Ok ok ok. I'm fine.
People ask me all the time, "How are you?"
I used to just spit out "pretty good" or "I'm doin' alright." Most often the word that would come out (accompanied by a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes, but no one seemed to really notice that.....) was the word "fine." Yup. "I'm fine." Why is that always our default?
If you've known me for any length of time, one thing you know about me is the ability I have to relate any and everything back to a movie. Quoting movies was something that was a big part of my childhood, and it's something that I've brought into my own family now that I'm married with children of my own.
One of mine and my husband's favorite movies is The Italian Job...the one with Mark Wahlberg and Edward Norton. One of the most memorable lines in the movie occurs in the very first scene.
Charlie, one of the main characters, says, "I'm fine." To which his mentor (played by Donald Sutherland) replies, "You know what fine stands for:
Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional"
I swear, every time I give that response, I am thinking of that line in my head!
I took a class at church this summer entitled "Being Real." I'll admit that I took the class largely because one of my best friends was taking it (ironically enough, she is also the reason that I'm even blogging at this moment LOL!). I didn't really know what to expect. At all. I have never been so affected by a book in my life (the book is called The Cure....visit truefaced.com to discover more about it). It shook up my reality and left it dangling on a ledge. I had to CHOOSE what I was going to believe. I was faced with questions that I couldn't readily answer with a fake smile and an "I'm fine." I cried. I argued. I was filled with doubt. But also HOPE. Hope that I was too afraid to trust. I still struggle with these questions, but it sure is comforting to know that I'm not alone. I learned that it's okay to admit, "No. I'm not fine." Sometimes when people ask me how I'm doing I will simply say, "pray for me." But only if it's someone that I trust enough to see past my default anyways.
Here's the problem: everything that was presented in the "being real" class stands in stark contrast to what we are taught in the reality of every day life. The reality that most people, when they are asking "how you're doing" are half expecting/half hoping that you'll simply answer "just fine, thanks."
In our churches, in our jobs, in every day life, we are told to BE POSITIVE. We are made to feel selfish as if how dare we needlessly burden others or weigh them down with our problems or feelings of insecurity.
We are called to "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) But what burdens will there be to bear, if we all just hide behind the false smiles and the facade that "everything is fine?" Jesus came to heal the sick, the hurting, the lonely, the weary, the broken in spirit, the abused. Shouldn't we, too, be reaching out to offer His love and peace to the people around us.....ESPECIALLY, but certainly not limited to, those closest to us? And don't you think a more effective means of sharing that precious gift would be to open up our own hearts and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and expose our wounds, than to pretend that we're fully healed and doing "just fine?"
I guess I don't really know what the point is that I'm trying to make this morning. Maybe I'm more just journaling random thoughts....hoping and praying that someone else out there feels the same way? I don't know.....but one thing I do know is that the hope I have in Jesus is the only REAL thing I can hold onto in this life. Knowing that, I can say with complete CONFIDENCE and HOPE for the future:
"No. I'm not fine...but I will be."
