Wow. So first you have to read my good friend, Tanya's, blog post here ⬇
http://typicaltanya.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/front-and-center/#comments
Now once you've done that.....
I have a completely different perspective and it leaves me feeling quite astonished that two people can be so different and yet "get" each other so well.
I was at this same service on Saturday morning, but I was in probably the 5th or 6th row back? It was an INCREDIBLE time of worship and fellowship. I felt so comfortable and just blessed to be a part of such an amazing gathering of our church's family life volunteers! Now fast forward to Tuesday night's monthly leadership meeting. We got to church late, and I had asked my fellow leader from my service to save my husband and I a couple of seats. She texted back saying that she was in the back and that it was packed in there! I must admit, even just thinking back on the experience, my heart starts racing and I can feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack. I haven't felt THAT uncomfortable in church in a LONG time. It was hard to concentrate. I had to squint to see, and I remarked to my husband how everyone looked so SMALL from here! I felt disconnected. Self conscious. I felt embarrassed during worship because oh my GOSH I could actually hear my own voice SINGING!!! Ugh! I was so uncomfortable....I felt like the few people that were actually behind me were judging me. I know this all sounds so selfish and ridiculous, but it was such an awful feeling!!! I always tell people that I am too A.D.D. to sit more than 4 or 5 rows back in the middle. THAT is my comfort zone. It was so DISTRACTING to me to have all these people in front of me, because (again, darn that A.D.D.) I couldn't focus on the tiny people singing or speaking from stage because there were too many other things to look at. Good grief, can we say "SQUIRREL!!!" (Sorry to those who don't get the reference from Disney's UP)
On the flip side, when I AM sitting in my comfort zone, I feel connected, comfortable, and like I am surrounded by "family." I don't have to squint, and I DEFINITELY don't have to hear my own voice during worship! I don't lose focus easily, because guess what? There's nowhere else to look! LOL! It's the same at the movie theater....I like to sit 4th or 5th row back...right smack dab in the middle! Sometimes I wonder if it's a combination of my A.D.D. and my being vertically-challenged, that causes me to not want to see other people's heads in front of me. Probably.
Either way....I think it is WONDERFUL that so many people have a "usual" place to sit in church, but can be flexible if someone else takes "their" spot. The past year and a half God has really been teaching me all about flexibility and that change can be good.....or even if it's not necessarily "good", that HE is good and He will work His will whether I'm "happy" about it or not. If I will only bend to His plan and direction for my life, my marriage, my ministry, my relationships, my parenting....He will help me to focus and to "see over" any obstacle that I think is in my way. 😃
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Fine.
Ok ok ok. I'm fine.
People ask me all the time, "How are you?"
I used to just spit out "pretty good" or "I'm doin' alright." Most often the word that would come out (accompanied by a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes, but no one seemed to really notice that.....) was the word "fine." Yup. "I'm fine." Why is that always our default?
If you've known me for any length of time, one thing you know about me is the ability I have to relate any and everything back to a movie. Quoting movies was something that was a big part of my childhood, and it's something that I've brought into my own family now that I'm married with children of my own.
One of mine and my husband's favorite movies is The Italian Job...the one with Mark Wahlberg and Edward Norton. One of the most memorable lines in the movie occurs in the very first scene.
Charlie, one of the main characters, says, "I'm fine." To which his mentor (played by Donald Sutherland) replies, "You know what fine stands for:
Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional"
I swear, every time I give that response, I am thinking of that line in my head!
I took a class at church this summer entitled "Being Real." I'll admit that I took the class largely because one of my best friends was taking it (ironically enough, she is also the reason that I'm even blogging at this moment LOL!). I didn't really know what to expect. At all. I have never been so affected by a book in my life (the book is called The Cure....visit truefaced.com to discover more about it). It shook up my reality and left it dangling on a ledge. I had to CHOOSE what I was going to believe. I was faced with questions that I couldn't readily answer with a fake smile and an "I'm fine." I cried. I argued. I was filled with doubt. But also HOPE. Hope that I was too afraid to trust. I still struggle with these questions, but it sure is comforting to know that I'm not alone. I learned that it's okay to admit, "No. I'm not fine." Sometimes when people ask me how I'm doing I will simply say, "pray for me." But only if it's someone that I trust enough to see past my default anyways.
Here's the problem: everything that was presented in the "being real" class stands in stark contrast to what we are taught in the reality of every day life. The reality that most people, when they are asking "how you're doing" are half expecting/half hoping that you'll simply answer "just fine, thanks."
In our churches, in our jobs, in every day life, we are told to BE POSITIVE. We are made to feel selfish as if how dare we needlessly burden others or weigh them down with our problems or feelings of insecurity.
We are called to "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) But what burdens will there be to bear, if we all just hide behind the false smiles and the facade that "everything is fine?" Jesus came to heal the sick, the hurting, the lonely, the weary, the broken in spirit, the abused. Shouldn't we, too, be reaching out to offer His love and peace to the people around us.....ESPECIALLY, but certainly not limited to, those closest to us? And don't you think a more effective means of sharing that precious gift would be to open up our own hearts and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and expose our wounds, than to pretend that we're fully healed and doing "just fine?"
I guess I don't really know what the point is that I'm trying to make this morning. Maybe I'm more just journaling random thoughts....hoping and praying that someone else out there feels the same way? I don't know.....but one thing I do know is that the hope I have in Jesus is the only REAL thing I can hold onto in this life. Knowing that, I can say with complete CONFIDENCE and HOPE for the future:
"No. I'm not fine...but I will be."
People ask me all the time, "How are you?"
I used to just spit out "pretty good" or "I'm doin' alright." Most often the word that would come out (accompanied by a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes, but no one seemed to really notice that.....) was the word "fine." Yup. "I'm fine." Why is that always our default?
If you've known me for any length of time, one thing you know about me is the ability I have to relate any and everything back to a movie. Quoting movies was something that was a big part of my childhood, and it's something that I've brought into my own family now that I'm married with children of my own.
One of mine and my husband's favorite movies is The Italian Job...the one with Mark Wahlberg and Edward Norton. One of the most memorable lines in the movie occurs in the very first scene.
Charlie, one of the main characters, says, "I'm fine." To which his mentor (played by Donald Sutherland) replies, "You know what fine stands for:
Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional"
I swear, every time I give that response, I am thinking of that line in my head!
I took a class at church this summer entitled "Being Real." I'll admit that I took the class largely because one of my best friends was taking it (ironically enough, she is also the reason that I'm even blogging at this moment LOL!). I didn't really know what to expect. At all. I have never been so affected by a book in my life (the book is called The Cure....visit truefaced.com to discover more about it). It shook up my reality and left it dangling on a ledge. I had to CHOOSE what I was going to believe. I was faced with questions that I couldn't readily answer with a fake smile and an "I'm fine." I cried. I argued. I was filled with doubt. But also HOPE. Hope that I was too afraid to trust. I still struggle with these questions, but it sure is comforting to know that I'm not alone. I learned that it's okay to admit, "No. I'm not fine." Sometimes when people ask me how I'm doing I will simply say, "pray for me." But only if it's someone that I trust enough to see past my default anyways.
Here's the problem: everything that was presented in the "being real" class stands in stark contrast to what we are taught in the reality of every day life. The reality that most people, when they are asking "how you're doing" are half expecting/half hoping that you'll simply answer "just fine, thanks."
In our churches, in our jobs, in every day life, we are told to BE POSITIVE. We are made to feel selfish as if how dare we needlessly burden others or weigh them down with our problems or feelings of insecurity.
We are called to "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) But what burdens will there be to bear, if we all just hide behind the false smiles and the facade that "everything is fine?" Jesus came to heal the sick, the hurting, the lonely, the weary, the broken in spirit, the abused. Shouldn't we, too, be reaching out to offer His love and peace to the people around us.....ESPECIALLY, but certainly not limited to, those closest to us? And don't you think a more effective means of sharing that precious gift would be to open up our own hearts and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and expose our wounds, than to pretend that we're fully healed and doing "just fine?"
I guess I don't really know what the point is that I'm trying to make this morning. Maybe I'm more just journaling random thoughts....hoping and praying that someone else out there feels the same way? I don't know.....but one thing I do know is that the hope I have in Jesus is the only REAL thing I can hold onto in this life. Knowing that, I can say with complete CONFIDENCE and HOPE for the future:
"No. I'm not fine...but I will be."
Thursday, April 21, 2011
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'm new at this. I've been wanting to start a blog for awhile now. I want to inspire. I want to BE inspired. I always have a lot to say (as anyone who knows me AT ALL will attest to!) My crazy mind is always thinking. Lately I've been reminded of how TRULY blessed by God I am. I am HIS. His daughter. His precious beautiful princess. His bride. Even when I feel worthless and utterly UNworthy, He never ceases to show me how much He loves me. I have made soooo many mistakes...how could I possibly be worthy of His unconditional love. His matchless grace. His undivided attention. He has blessed me despite my selfish motives. He LOVES ME...He sent His perfect son to die...FOR ME! I praise Him for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He doesn't make mistakes. He knows every evil sinful thought I have before it even has a chance to enter my consciousness. His love knows no bounds. He made everything glorious...what does that make me?
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